so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
