I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
