you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
