If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
