At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
im on a boat
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