I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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