i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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