I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
