She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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