Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
