so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
