yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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