My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
