the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
