Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
