i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
