she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
