seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is the high leading the old right now
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
