I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
