It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
