Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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