I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
