Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
