Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
