I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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