Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
