How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize