I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
