Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
