Ambien. No doubt about it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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