An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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