I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
