I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
