Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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