not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
