My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Michael Bay diarrhea
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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