Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
