my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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