I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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