yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
