My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize