just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize