You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
