My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
