I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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