You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
