There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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