You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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