So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
