Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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