Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
