Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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