After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
