Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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