Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
