i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
