i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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