You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
