I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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