i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
