Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
