sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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