My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my being single is dangerous.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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