i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
