she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
