Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
