I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize