My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
