I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
