I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
