You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
is it fun? or sober?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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