Slut skills are useful in every country.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
