I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
