were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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