so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
