ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
